Posted by: alwaysrkp | March 12, 2009

I need my Dad

My Dad has just had two heart caths in 3 days and subsequently had four stints inserted. Now, this really was not a big deal. Not for us anyway – between he and my mother (who passed away in 2004), they have had 17 surgical procedures – and that does NOT include the two above mentioned ones, b/c heart caths are not “surgery”. We are pros at this stuff (unfortunate as that might be).

I have had a variety of emotions about all this.

I was frustrated that he did not stop smoking when he nearly died in 2005 after a hernia operation and was told at LEAST 50 times to STOP smoking or else he was going to need more procedures or DIE. I repeat DIE.

I was worried that some of the blockages might be in one or more of the four arteries that were by-passed in 1997 (he also got an artificial valve during that operation). Suffice it to say that you do not want the gross details (which somehow made it into this post yesterday despite my effort to delete them) – but I had good reason to be worrried that his blockages might be in those grafted arteries.

I was extremely relieved to find out that the many blockages were all in an artery that was his own – so therefore stints could fix it – even if it took two procedures and HOURS to make it happen.

I am worried that he still will not stop smoking.

I have been tired from getting up early enough to drive 27 minutes (plus time to stop at Starbucks) and still be at the hospital at 6am two days this week.

All those things are pretty normal, I think. Here is the significant thing I felt (and realized) this week:

My Mom is gone. I have no siblings. Dad is it – I need my Dad. I knew I needed him before. What I realized is that while I did not get terribly upset about all this – I worried more, b/c since my Mom is gone, I’d be left alone if something happened to my Dad.

I remembered feeling so scared in 2005 when he almost died and I sat for days and nights in the ICU waiting room ALONE (except for the Lord). I remember telling the Lord, “You just took Mom last year, I can’t bear you taking my Dad now.” Well, it is 3 1/2 years later and he did not nearly die, but ever since the surgeon told him he was a walking time bomb, I had been very worried.

I need my Dad. Plain and simple. I’m so glad that stints can fix this. I pray that he can somehow give up smoking. I want him around for a long time. Yes, I’m selfish, but as long as he can be healthy, I want him here.

I love you Dad.

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Responses

  1. Oh sweetie! Prayers for your dad and certainly prayers and (((hugs))) for you.

    • Thank you!


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