Posted by: alwaysrkp | March 14, 2009

Trust in the Lord with all your heart…

Do you ever make up your mind – and even tell other people – “I have prayed about this and however God chooses to work it out is okay. God knows best.” – or something along those lines? But then, you worry anyway?

I ask, because today I had a brief moment of that and I was so disappointed with myself. Please understand, this happens to me more than I care to admit. Today just seemed so minor…and nothing that I should worry about – but I did.

My man and I prayed about whether we should apply for the lottery for a particular charter school. We had heard lots of good things from friends and have not been completely happy with the small country school. We both came to the conclusion that we would apply and then leave the result to the Lord.

(Brief digress, I had never put my children in public school until I put my youngest (C2) in a small country school 17 miles away this past year. Before was Christian school for the oldest (R2) and then years of homeschooling for both R2 and C2.)

Today was the lottery. We talked ahead of time about how this was all in the Lord’s hands. If C2’s name was called, fine. If not, fine. The Lord was in control.

After siblings who automatically get in the school were announced, there were only 58 spots left for C2s grade. They began pulling out names, with each passing name, I felt my stomach knot up. I kept reminding myself that I did not need to worry, the Lord was in control but the anxiety would return. I thought I might be disappointed if C2 did not get in. My man and I were both counting each spot. 52, 53, 54, 55 and then C2’s name was called.


But why relief? Hadn’t we left this decision to the Lord. If He had said no, that should have been okay too. I know that it would have been okay eventually. I’m just bothered by my lack of trust for those few minutes today. I want to trust in all things, big and little, easy and hard.

Didn’t I just write a post about trusting the Lord in “throw the responsibility back on God”? I know, I am a work in progress…but I will be glad to see a bit more progress.

Proverbs 3:5,6: Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.


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