Posted by: alwaysrkp | September 25, 2009

I wish I could sit and talk to my Mom

Last night and today are just one of those times when I wish I could sit down and talk to my Mom.  I just want to tell her what has been going on.  I want to tell her the praises, my prayer needs, the things that I need someone wiser to help me with: parenting,  and how to deal with my Dad who seems to have forgotten who he has been all his life – and seems to not need me, his only child.

I want to laugh, do silly things like go to Wal-Mart at 2am just because we can.  I want her to sit up with me during the night when I can’t sleep and just be together.

Our time together was too short.  All I have are memories and a legacy to leave my children.  Not that those things are not monumental, because they are.  I just know I am just not as good as being FUN as she was.  I am not as creative as she was.  I do not have her green thumb.  I don’t have the voice that can say “NO” and stop ANY KID DEAD IN THEIR TRACKS.  No joke!

I do have her piano…and I have been tempted to drive to Kentucky and dig up the hydrangea that I gave her for her birthday that is still in the yard at my parent’s former home.  I have her ability to love those who irritate everyone else.  I have her empathy and compassion.  I learned to have an open door to my home from her.  I learned to be thrifty when money is tight.  I have her love of music and the outdoors and gardens.  I have her love of people – young and old.

I learned that sometimes we need to sit in the dirt (or creek) and play with our children.  I learned that we should dye eggs every Easter and give Easter baskets even when your child has become parents themselves.  I learned that going trick-or-treating will not warp your eternal soul – even if you dress as a witch.  I learned that we should teach our children about the past and make it positively fascinating to them – I’m still working on that one.

I have her commitment to a local body of believers and her serving ethic.  I am not ashamed to own something that someone owned before me.  I know that it is what is in our hearts that is important – not status, income, the clothes we wear, or anything external.  I know that my Lord died for me – and all this sinful world.  I know that it is a great idea to get on your knees and weap, praise and pray before the Lord.   I know that it is good to let your children hear you pray for the Lord to work in their hearts (because that pierces their sinful little hearts more than any parental lecture).   I know that it is good to study God’s Word and to try to understand it.

So,  it seems I have a lot of my Mom with/in me.

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