Posted by: alwaysrkp | November 9, 2009

Women of Faith Weekend

WOF2009

I spent Friday and Saturday at a Women of Faith conference.  What an awesome weekend!

The music was soulful, worshipful, reflective, pumped up and fun.

The speakers were delightful, inspiring, revealing and real.

We laughed.  We cried.  We prayed.  We praised.  We soaked in the Lord’s presence.

Telling  all the wonderful details would take an entire post.  Seeing that it can only be truly experienced in person, I will let you find out for yourself (I have tickets for next year, so let me know if you want to go).

The thing I want to talk about today is a bit of what the Lord spoke to my  heart.

Wednesday was my Mom’s birthday, as you can see from my previous post.  Getting ready to be absent from work (on my busiest work day)- and get 15 women squared away to go to Women of Faith – and getting myself there too – really consumed my week.  I had no time to feel anything.  I thought I had actually got through my Mom’s birthday with no tears.

Then Friday night came…the speaker was being as funny as could be, and out-of-the-blue, I missed my Mom terribly.  I sobbed like a child.  (All the while trying to hide my tears from my group.) I have not cried like that for my Mom in a long time.

Saturday was full of revelations from the Lord. One speaker in particular was used to speak things to my heart.

I need a friend who can understand – or at least empathize with the level of hurt I have had in my life.  I do not often need to talk about my hurts.  When I do need to talk, I need someone who can understand.  My man is great about giving me sympathy.  He tries to understand…but unless you have walked a similar road…you cannot understand the depths of what is in another’s heart.  I realized that I am even more grateful for my man’s support in that area.  But the longing for a friend with spiritual & emotional maturity and depth really set in.

I also realized that our first memories are those that set the tone for the rest of our lives.   My first memories are not of being loved…but of trying to figure out HOW to be lovable.  As young as 2 and 3, I have memories of abuse.  I did not understand what love was.  I made people angry.  I made people yell at me.  I made people do bad things to me.  These are the things I knew.  The remainder of my childhood years, I tried to figure out how to be good enough to merit hugs or kisses or praise.   Who am I kidding?  I have been trying to figure out how to be lovable my whole life!

Now I have to deal with these things.   The Lord reveals them so He can bind the wounds and help them heal.  It is generally painful, but the freedom of healing is on the other side of the progress.  I do not know how the Lord is going to help me get over these things, but I know He does.

(I know this is poor writing as far as flow, etc.  My mind and heart are very full today.)

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Responses

  1. Thanks for sharing your heart & what you experienced at the conference. I love it when God “starts” something in us as a result of our hearing from a different “source”, like at a conference. Though the process may be extremely difficult, He is refining…
    BTW, thanks for posting my blog on FB (the weird “shoes”). Being new, I love having new people stop by.


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